Last night I had another one of those typical disagreements about my workout routine. Then today, Mehdi on StrongLifts.com writes about exactly that:

Can’t You Exercise Tomorrow? Bad. You break the exercise habit & accustom people to skip workouts for reason X. Do it once, and you’ll get plenty of more reasons to skip workouts in the future, “but you did it last time!”

Solution: men need time for their women, friends, and themselves. If you’re not “allowed” to spend 1h30/week doing StrongLifts 5×5, find somebody else. Nothing is worse than having no freedom to do what you need to be happy.

Bingo. Too true.

Mehdi writes about women sabotaging your workout routine — and gives some good explanations for why they do it — but in my experience, it’s not limited to just working out. They’ll try to change your diet, your social habits, your dreams, your goals… anything they can. You can’t let it happen.

Women don’t think like men. When you allow it once, they don’t remember that and considerately make a point of not doing it next time. No, if you do it once, they’ll establish that as a precedent for doing it again and again.

If you care about someone and choose to spend your life with them, then it’s good to change your dreams and goals and friends to include your partner. But there are some things a man needs for himself. That’s sacred ground. Don’t give in — even if it’s just a workout — or else you’ll find yourself six months later wondering why you ever quit going to the gym.

A little advice to the women, from a man’s point of view.

• Neurotic, psychotic behavior is NOT cute. Don’t fool yourself into thinking “he’ll love me because I’m quirky,” because men are logical. We need things to make sense, and while you think you’re “cute and quirky”, we think you’re totally whack-job, psycho, nutball, head-for-the-hills insane. It’s not cute.
• Snooping is stalking. I know you think your man is amazing, and you want to know everything about him. I know you just can’t get enough. But clicking through every one of his friends on myspace and reading everything about them isn’t getting to know him… it’s what stalkers do. It’s scary, and it’s the reason we don’t tell you more. We’re afraid of where else you’ll snoop, and what new, irrational argument we’re going to have to diffuse.
• Possessiveness, jealousy, and being territorial are the same fucking thing. You can’t be one without being the other. These are all irrational responses to fear, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to deal with the real fear that is causing it.
• Accusations will blow up in your face. This is an important thing to understand. When you allow jealousy (see above) to get to you, and you start making accusations, this tells us one thing quite clearly: that you don’t trust us. But we men hate to be accused of something we haven’t done. If we’re going to serve the sentence, we may as well commit the crime. And when it’s done, you’ll wear it like a badge saying “I knew it,” never realizing that you caused it. Either you trust your man or you don’t… there is no middle ground.
• The man you’re with is not your ex. That’s why it’s called an “ex”… because it’s over. Don’t judge your man based on what the last man did. Otherwise, it leads to accusations (see above) and that just leads to trouble.
• When we say “no,” what we mean is “NO”. I understand that when you women say “no,” you’re really thinking “oh, I’ll eventually say yes, but I want him to keep asking,” but that’s not the case for us. We men are logical. We think things through before we make decisions… and we hate to close the door on options… so if a man said “no,” you can be sure that he’s considered all of that and he’s decided that the answer is no.

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don’t have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you’ve had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won’t get upset if you come home with another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you’ll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night, and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know when you’re the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn’t demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn’t care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. If you change beers you don’t have to pay alimony.
25. You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
26. You can’t catch social diseases from a beer.
27. When you’re interrupted by a beer, it’s for a good reason.
28. A beer is always satisfying.
29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A beer won’t tell you it’s pregnant for fun.
31. A beer doesn’t have in-laws.
32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn’t complain about farting.
36. The only thing a beer tells you is when it’s time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.
38. It’s okay to leave a party with a different beer than you arrived with.
39. Beer won’t drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a beer.
41. A beer chaser is easy to catch.
42. You don’t need a license to live with a beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a beer.
44. Beer doesn’t grow hair where it shouldn’t.
45. Beer doesn’t care how much you earn.
46. Beer and Ice don’t mix.
47. Beer won’t complain about your choice of vacation.
48. Beer doesn’t care if you go to sleep right after you’ve had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about the wet spot.
52. You can put all your old beers in one room, and they won’t fight.

I’ve got a few more observations to share regarding the way people write their personals ads:

• Don’t say you’re recently divorced, or that you just broke up, or anything else to give an indication that you’re fresh out of a long-term relationship. The only guys looking for rebounders are the ones hoping for a one-night stand.
• Find some new words. You all say the same damn thing! “Fun woman looking for nice guy,” or “I like a guy with a sense of humor.” Look, I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl who said “Gosh, you know what I hate? A sense of humor. That really pisses me off.” Okay? See, we know you like a sense of humor. It’s about as retarded as requiring a pulse and a love of oxygen. Hemmingway could read these ads and wish for more description. Fun? Nice? If that’s as hard as you’re willing to try, then get used to being alone.
• Use some common sense. (I know women are from Venus, but men are from Mars and that’s who you’re trying to attract.) If you say “I like being treated like a lady, having doors opened for me and dinner paid for, etc,” and then follow it up later with a line like “I’m just looking to date and meet people, nothing too serious,” you’re not going to have much luck. Men are logical… we can all put that together and figure out the truth, which is that you want to go out and have fun, but you want other people to pay for it. User!
• Don’t say the reason you’re looking for someone on a personals site is because you’re too busy to meet people. In fact, just don’t ever say that you’re too busy. Think about it, gals… why should some great guy waste his time trying to get to know you if you’ve already admitted you’re not going to have time for him? The truth is, if you’re that busy, you don’t need a man, you need a vacation.
• Most personals sites display a short summary of your description — the first few sentences, usually — with your photo on the results page. Don’t waste those first few sentences on useless drivel! That may be the thing that means the difference between clicking and moving on.
• Be alone in your photo, retard. When looking at a photo of two girls, how is a guy supposed to know which one is you? And better still, if you’re in the photo with your arm around some guy, how’s a fellow to know that’s your little brother? If we see a guy in your photos, we move along.
• And one last thing, since we’re talking about photos: Don’t scan your driver’s license photo from when you were 18 and blond and use if for your profile if you’re not still eighteen and blond! What? Do you think you can write build type: athletic in your profile, and I won’t notice when some dark-haired fat girl shows up? And furthermore, you’re hand-picking the best available guys… do you really think they’re going to let it slide that you’re a deceitful person? I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, but it isn’t me.

All of you young ladies who might be reading this owe it to yourself to do what I’m about to suggest. Seriously.

1. Step 1 – Just imagine for a moment that you’re a single guy. Just think of the type of guy you’d like to meet… maybe even marry. Now imagine for a moment that you’re him.
2. Now, got to your favorite personals web site — Yahoo! works.
3. While you’re pretending to be this guy, sign up for a new account and fill out the information. You know the answers to what he’s looking for because you made him up. Just do it.
4. When you’ve got your shill account all set up, click search.
5. Now, spend an afternoon looking at the kind of rubbish that we have to pick from. Start making choices now that will keep you from being a 25 year old divorced mother of two who waits tables at Applebees. You’ll thank me.

I mean it now. If I have to read one more profile that says “I’m a Christian and I expect you to be too” on the profile of an unwed mother, I’ll puke. If I have to read one more time about how “you must like kids because mine are important to me”, I’m going to commit murder. I fucking hope your kids are important to you! Moron!

I’m a very successful, very healthy, physically fit guy. I’ve got a good sense of humor, a nice car, a sense of adventure. I like romance and I love to travel. Do you really think I’m looking for the girl of my dreams to be a used-up-and-thrown-away mother of two who can’t even practice what she preaches? Get real!