@Randem

Matt Medlen turned me on to this web site called Trash The Dress a month or so ago. At first I just glanced at it and resigned myself to look again when I wasn’t so busy. But I noticed that they had an RSS feed so I added it to my Google Reader. Then I forgot all about it.

Over the past few weeks, I keep noticing these really stunning wedding photos in my Reader, and when I looked up at what feed it was, it was Trash The Dress. That’s when I started paying attention. The site is a collection of really creative, outside-the-box photos of brides. It’s like fashion photography meets wedding photography, and it really makes me happy to think that there are some couples out there who are getting more than just the lame, cheap wedding photographer photos.

As a photographer, I also find the site very inspirational. There is a lot of creativity on display there.

You’ll probably call me a nerd (and you’ll probably be right) but I grew up on Star Trek. I’m not a Trekkie, nor am I a Trekker, but I’m nerd enough to know that there’s a difference. Personally, I just like the shows — old shows and new show, but not all shows. (And no conventions for me, thanks!)

But this isn’t about the show, it’s about the movies. Specifically, we’re talking about this week’s example of how Hollywood made me a better person. We’ve already covered Yoda (yes, it gets higher billing than Star Trek), and Tyler Durdan. Today’s wisdom comes from our old pal Captain Kirk.

I don’t control minds, I free them
In a nutshell, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier introduces us to Spock’s half-brother Sybok, a Vulcan who has embraced emotion. Sybok uses his mind-meld ability to help someone relive their painful experiences in a sort of Church of Scientology meets Freudian therapy kind of way.

Once a person shares their pain with Sybok they feel free of it, and in return they follow him with a blind loyalty that brings to mind comparisons of Jim Jones or Marshall Applewhite. Sybok takes control of most of the crew of the Enterprise, and puts the ship on a course toward The Great Barrier, with Captain Kirk locked in the brig.

Then comes Kirk’s turn. After watching Spock and McCoy share their pain with Sybok, Kirk is invited to do the same. But Captain Kirk refuses! Seemingly he’s the only person ever to say no, but nevertheless, with all the conviction (and melodrama) that Shatner can conjure as an actor, he declares:

Damn it, Bones, you’re a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don’t want my pain taken away! I need my pain!

And suddenly we’ve transcended from bad, overacted science fiction into philosophical realms. We all have pain. Some of us carry grudges our whole lives, crass and jaded. Others easily forgive and forget. But no matter where you fall in between the two, we all live and learn, and it is our pain that teaches us. Yes, I learned that from James T Kirk.

In that moment, I learned to stop holding a grudge about my parents divorce. I stopped being upset about the conditions in which I grew up. I let go of the self-pity over missed Christmases, and being homeless as a teenager, and found a way to accept my brother’s suicide. Yes, before this moment I had always thought pain was bad, but now for the first time I could see the positive. These are the things that make me who I am. Like Kirk said, I need my pain.

Little did I know this was just the tip of the philosophical iceberg that the Enterprise was going to hit…

Where no man has gone before
With the ship under his control, Sybok leads us through The Great Barrier to Sha Ka Ree, where he intends to see God, first hand. And he does. The crew has disturbed the great and powerful Oz, and we get a little fireworks show to prove it. Then, God starts asking about the ship and once again our Captain takes the side of reason and logic:

Kirk: What does God need with a starship?
McCoy: Jim, what are you doing?
Kirk: I’m asking a question.
“God”: Who is this creature?
Kirk: Who am I? Don’t you know? Aren’t you God?
Sybok: He has his doubts.
“God”: You doubt me?
Kirk: I seek proof.
McCoy: Jim! You don’t ask the Almighty for his ID!

Hell yeah! It’s like the astrologer’s magazine that closed due to unforeseen circumstances. (Not to mention, Genesis 3:8-9, where God - the omniscient and omnipotent creator of everything - is incapable of finding Adam in the garden.)

Basically, if you’re God, you don’t need my ship. And you don’t need to ask who I am. I’m outtie. So how does “God” respond? Why, by zapping Kirk with more fireworks, of course! Then he threatens, “Do you doubt me?” To which Bones objects, “I doubt any God who inflicts pain for his own pleasure.” (Yeah, I gotta admit, that reminded me of the bible, too.)

Phasers set to stun
The moral of the story seemed to be that nobody can take you to see God and cure all your pain. At the end of that yellow brick road, you find out that the Wizard of Oz is a fake, and the tin man had a heart all along.

Our lives are the sum of our experiences, good or bad as they may have been. What makes us special is not what we avoid or rid ourselves of, but rather what we learn from the bad hands we’re dealt, and how we play them out. That’s the overarching lesson in Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill. And it’s a resounding theme with everyone who reaches great heights, like Thomas Edison, Steve Jobs, and Michael Jordan.

Which leaves us with the closing thoughts, as Bones is pondering whether or not God really is out there, and Kirk responds, “Maybe he’s not out there, Bones. Maybe he’s right here,” pointing to his chest, “In the human heart.”

“Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful” — Warren Buffet

I love reading about personal finance, simplifying life, and even being frugal — I’ve got dozens of related feeds in my Google Reader — but sometimes these people go a bit too far. And I’ve got a beef with Flexo’s 10 reasons not to go to the gym at Consumerism Commentary:

1. Most new memberships in January will cancel by April. That’s a lot of New Year’s Resolutions gone bad.
2. There is bacteria everywhere, including on the equipment and in the locker room towels.
3. Gyms aren’t equipped to handle health emergencies.
4. People don’t need any type of certification to become trainers, and they may not know much more than you.
5. They make it very difficult to quit membership. If you don’t pay, they may report you to credit reporting agencies even if you claim you canceled your membership.
6. There are catches in the fine print of the membership contract.
7. Gyms aren’t required to maintain their equipment, so there can be a danger in operating the equipment.
8. You can negotiate your membership rates by paying attention to specials offered throughout the year.
9. The lockers in which you leave your personal belongings can be robbed, and the gym is not held liable.
10. By joining or even entering a gym, you generally sign a waiver that relieves the company of any liability.

Seriously people? Are you honestly trying to make an argument to keep Americans out of the gym? We’re not fat enough already?

Let’s look at this bad logic item by item:

Bad reason #1: 1. Most new memberships in January will cancel by April. That’s a lot of New Year’s Resolutions gone bad.
Okay, and most new businesses fail within the first year. Should I not bother trying to start a business either? Hey… did you know that 65% of new marriages fail? By Flexo’s reasoning, that means nobody should get married, either.

I have a problem with people using generic terms like “most” and “a lot” in these arguments. How about some hard numbers?

Or how about a different perspective… some of these people do stick to their workout. If even one life is improved, what’s the problem?

Bad reason #2: There is bacteria everywhere, including on the equipment and in the locker room towels.
There’s bacteria on the door at the 7-Eleven, too. And what about the shopping carts where you buy your groceries? In fact, speaking of groceries, how many old ladies have picked up and handled that apple you’re about to put in your mouth? Good heavens… the germs are going to kill us all! Time to start wearing masks and gloves everywhere. Hey, and how about a nice tinfoil hat, too!

Look. You’re not going to the gym to lick the weight bench… you’re there to get a workout. And the nice thing about the gym is that there’s a shower there. With soap. You’ll leave there cleaner than you were when you arrived.

Bad reason #3: Gyms aren’t equipped to handle health emergencies.
Neither is the city bus you ride, but you manage to get by just fine. The park your kids are playing at doesn’t have a nurse on staff, yet if little Johnny falls off the slide and scrapes his arm, you manage to get it dealt with. And frankly, if a health emergency did occur at a gym, you’d be surrounded by people who would help you… which is much better than your odds at home!

Bad reason #4: People don’t need any type of certification to become trainers, and they may not know much more than you.
Yup. There are lots of jobs you can get that don’t require certification. (Remember that horse groomer who used to be the head of FEMA?)

The nice thing about trainers is that looks are everything. If a fat guy tells you how you should eat, are you going to listen? It’s just like the high school woodshop teacher who was missing a finger. If the trainer is in good shape and you’re not, odds are that he knows something you don’t.

Bad reason #5: They make it very difficult to quit membership. If you don’t pay, they may report you to credit reporting agencies even if you claim you canceled your membership.
To be honest, this sounds like Flexo had a bad experience, and he’s applying that as a prejudice against all gyms. Besides… if you don’t pay your bills, you shouldn’t be surprised if it gets reported to credit agencies.

Yes, I’ll admit that there is an overall sense that gyms don’t make it easy to quit. But this is a victim mentality. The membership representatives have an incentive to keep you, and they’re going to ask you the questions that any salesman would ask you: Why do you want to quit? Is there something we can do to keep you? Don’t you want to be healthy any more?

The reason people have a hard time quitting is because these questions play to the lies people tell themselves. Everyone wants to believe that they’re concerned about their health. Nobody wants to admit that they are too lazy to show up and work out. The only reason you want to cancel your membership is because you finally realized that purchasing a membership does not, by itself, get you into shape. You have to actually do work.

If you’re committed to being fat and lazy, just own up to it. Walk into the rep’s office, look him dead in the eye, and say, “I am a fat, lazy slob. I have learned that about myself, and I’m not going to change. Your policy requires 30 days notice on cancellation of membership, so this is my notice. Give me a document that proves you have acknowledged my desire to terminate my membership.”

Ironically, however, if you can man up enough to say that, you could probably man up enough to use the membership and actually get some benefit. The reason it’s hard to quit is the same reason the membership isn’t working: you don’t have any balls.

Bad reason #6: There are catches in the fine print of the membership contract.
Only an idiot signs his name to something he has not read. If there was something in there that you consider to be “a catch”, you shouldn’t have joined in the first place. See #5 above.

Bad reason #7: Gyms aren’t required to maintain their equipment, so there can be a danger in operating the equipment.
If a gym had poorly maintained equipment, you should have noticed that on your tour before you joined. If the equipment has gone bad over time, you should leave and find a new gym. This guy has a serious victim mentality, and he’s just making excuses now.

Anyway, what is there to maintain? There are no moving parts on barbells, dumbells, weight benches, or power racks. If you’re using the isolation exercise machines (like Nautilus) you’re already risking injury even on a brand new machine. And if it’s the stairmaster or the treadmill you’re complaining about, you’re just a whiner. Save the gym membership and just go climb some stairs. Or go for a walk. Anyway, how are you going to injure yourself on a treadmill? That would be a YouTube gem for sure!

Bad reason #8: You can negotiate your membership rates by paying attention to specials offered throughout the year.
This isn’t a reason to avoid the gym, it’s just an unrelated fact. And you can always negotiate your membership. Don’t believe me? Just go tell the rep that you want to quit. (See #5 above.) Let’s be honest here… this was just thrown in because he couldn’t think of anything to get his list to the nice round number 10.

Bad reason #9: The lockers in which you leave your personal belongings can be robbed, and the gym is not held liable.
Hello, McFly! They’re called LOCK-ers. You are supposed to LOCK them. Once locked in a locker, your property is every bit as safe as it would be in your car.

Let’s get real. I go to the gym every morning, five days a week, and I see what people do. They use the lockers without locking them. They take off their clothes (and iPods) and leave them in a pile on the floor while they hit the showers. Oh, and they also just have stupid moments and forget things.

If you’re putting your valuables into the locker, and locking it, they will be there when you are done.

Bad reason #10: By joining or even entering a gym, you generally sign a waiver that relieves the company of any liability.
As opposed to your home gym? Seriously? His final argument is that he wants someone to sue if he hurts himself? Am I understanding this correctly?

It is not the gym’s fault that you don’t pay attention to proper technique. It is not the gym’s fault that you and your friends want to impress each other with weights you have no business lifting. It is not the gym’s fault that you injured yourself on a treadmill (seriously… a YouTube gem).

Seriously. What’s with all the anti-gym rhetoric lately on all of the personal finance blogs?

[EDIT: I errantly attributed these opinions to Flexo, the author of the post I linked to. The list was actually copied out of SmartMoney. Still, we don’t repost things we disagree with.]

Today’s word is recession. Everybody is talking about it.

Recession is the natural next step to be expected on the financial ride this country is on. It would take a miraculous combination of insightful moves by our government and big businesses, coupled with a huge in-flux of foreign money, to make anything different happen.

Our President campaigned against a tax-and-spend economy, but in two terms what did he give us? A spend economy, without the taxation to generate the money. Add to that the bursting of the housing bubble — which he helped to create — and you’re facing a US economy that looks pretty poor. Suddenly the US isn’t the superpower we like to think we are. What a fantastic condition in which to leave the country for your successor!

Well, the realities of recession are this: we’re looking forward to face lower interest rates, lower mortgage rates, lower property values, and a bear market… all after Americans have run up sky-high personal debt with unrealistic mortgages on overpriced homes, and maxed-out credit cards. Oh, but Bush saw that coming too, so he changed the bankruptcy laws. You can’t get out of it. You’re stuck.

So what to do? What to do?
First things first. Stop wasting money. (Gee, I’ll bet you wish you hadn’t bought that Hummer H2 now, eh?) No more going to Starbucks every day. No more buying $80 designer Jeans for your ‘tween-ager to grow out of in a year. Use public transportation instead of burning gas at ever-climbing prices. Save, save, save.

Next, use the money you save wisely. Interest rates will go down on your savings and investments, but they’re going to stay high on your debt. Get it paid off. You don’t want to carry huge debt into a recession. Pay off the debt with the highest interest first, then the next, and so on. Call your creditors and try to negotiate lower interest rates. And while you’re paying down, don’t create more debt!

Once the debt is gone, create an emergency fund. Salaries stop increasing, companies stop hiring, and job security isn’t so glorious in a recession. You need a backup fund. Be smart. Save, save, save. You should accumulate the equivalent of 3-6 months salary into a money market (savings accounts are for idiots) as an emergency fund.

Okay, now what?
Well, here’s the good news. Once you’re in a solid position to weather a recession, you can leverage it to your advantage. Housing prices are going to drop dramatically in most areas. Stock prices are going to fall. This is a blue-light special for anyone with some money to invest!

I, for one, plan on buying houses at bargain-basement prices. Not only will there be plenty of people who are anxious to sell for whatever they can get, but there will be no shortage of foreclosures, too. While the nationwide frenzy was on, and coworkers busted my chops about not owning a home, I was banking money instead of buying overpriced homes and accumulating more debt. But soon it will be my turn. I’ll buy properties at half their asking price, and own them mortgage-free.

Stocks will be another excellent opportunity. As stock prices fall, there will be tremendous opportunities to get high dividends on low-priced shares. Reinvesting the dividend payments into more shares will only give you more vehicles to earn money when the recession ends. It’s long-term investing, but it’s smart. Stocks are going on sale soon, and you’ll be able to sell them down the road for huge money. Manufacturing and luxury is coming to a close… time to buy utilities!

If you’re smart, you can not only survive a recession, but profit from it.

It’s only been a week since Apple announced the MacBook Air, and I’ve already had three people ask me for my iBook!

First, let me just make this clear to all my readers: I’m not getting rid of my iBook. Not yet, and not soon.

But more importantly, I’m curious what makes a person even think that it would be okay to ask their friend to give them a two-thousand-dollar computer… one that the person is still using!

Seriously, people. I want you all to line up your mothers in front of me, single file, so I can go down the row, one-by-one, and bitch slap them for forgetting to teach you manners! Seriously… I want to see a row of slappable mothers at my desk tomorrow morning.

That would have been a good name for this movie, echoing perhaps the most quotable line of dialog from the film. But to be honest, it wouldn’t have mattered what the title was — you could call it “Milk and Cereal” and it would have still been an awesome move.

Based on the trailers, I expected a more mature attempt at Blair Witch filmmaking, with something of a sci-fi suspense twist. In a way, I was right, but also in a way I was completely wrong.

This movie is like nothing you have ever seen before. It defies all genres. I walked out of the theater amid a sea of voices muttering things like “wow. what did we just watch?” This is film history. In a time when everything coming from Hollywood is just a rehash of something else Hollywood gave us years ago, Cloverfield is the birth of something truly unique.

The true genius of the film is in its synergy of iconic elements from the history of handheld video cameras, as well as a few what-ifs, imagining how something might have looked if it had been seen by a camera. It’s Blair Witch meets America’s Funniest Home Videos, meets Godzilla, meets 9/11 documentary, meets the Zapruder film, meets Titanic, meets King Kong.

Basically, it’s like everything you’ve ever seen before, yet this film is like nothing you have ever seen before.

“Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there.” — Eric Hoffer, Passionate State of Mind, 1955

“The fly that doesn’t want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter.” — G.C. Lichtenberg