Social Proof
When in doubt, people look to the collective opinion for how to proceed. If a lot of people are wearing flip-flops and polo shirts, they’re in style and we feel more comfortable wearing them ourselves. If a beggar is asking for food on a busy downtown street, it’s likely we’ll ignore him if that’s what everyone else is doing. It’s called social proof.
There was a UFO cult here in Chicago in the ’60s. They believed the world would be destroyed in another great flood, but that 8 hours before it happened, a UFO would come by and pick up the cult members, taking them to safety. When they believed they were right, they did not accept new members. But after the big day came and went, with no flood and no UFO, they started actively recruiting new members. Why? Because they were looking for social proof.
And that’s kinda like what happens in relationships. You know… when you’re dating someone, and you have a fight, you turn to your friends and tell them your side — not because you want advice, but because you want their agreement, their social proof. (Social proof is even stronger when it comes from people we know.)
It’s even worse when people break up. It’s so easy to seek out all your friends and tell them horrible stories about the new ex-, not because it’s information they need… but because you want them to support the breakup. You want their social proof.
It’s perfectly natural, and largely unavoidable. Evolutionary psychologists will say it’s built into our genes. I think they’re right. It helps reduce the complexity of the number of decisions we have to make every day.
But in the end, we don’t respect groupthink. After all, trends are easy to folllow, but think about the people who start them. Don’t the majority of trends get started by the same minority of people? …a few independent people, who are strong-willed enough to do what they like, or what they want, or what they think is right, regardless of the logic of the crowd?
You can’t really blame people for following the groupthink. But you can’t exactly respect them, either.
If the whole crowd is walking past a homeless man, deliberately ignoring him, you will think nothing of walking past and ignoring him too. But if the street were completely empty, just you and him, and you had to walk past him, would you still be able to pretend you didn’t notice him asking for money? Or would you fish out some coins and try to help?
The problem with social proof is when it prevents us from doing the right thing, simply because nobody else is doing the right thing. And the evidence shows when we’re alone and our actions don’t match those from when we were in the group.
If you bad talk your ex- all day to your friends, and spend all day insisting you hate him, but then once you’re alone and away from your friends you call him and try to apologize, that makes you a hypocrite. It makes you inauthentic.
Don’t worry. It’s not so bad. You’re just like everyone else. Unfortunately, I’m looking for someone who stands out — who’s not just like everyone else. I don’t want just another hypocritical face in the crowd.
Tags: psychology