I’m really getting quite tired of the simple-minded, xenophobic hate-speach that’s going around lately.

I’ve had enough of people complaining about having to “press 1 for English”. What? Would you prefer that the English language be option 4? or 7? I understand you’re looking for a humorous way camouflage your bigoted desire for people to speak your language, but this one isn’t it. It’s not a logical or well-constructed thought and it doesn’t hide your asshole opinion very well, either.

In fact, if you call yourself an American, you owe it to yourself to consider just exactly what “America” is. America is the new world… the continents of North America and South America. It’s a very big place, and one that is mostly Spanish-speaking. So let’s be clear on this: English is America’s second language. So now that you feel like an idiot, how about a big “Welcome to America… now learn the language!” for all of you ignorant, non-spanish-speaking assholes complaining about immigrants.

Let’s take a look at this email I received recently:

This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa, FL Newspaper. He did quite a job; didn’t he? Read on, please!

Okay, first thing to notice is that all bullshit chain letters start out with some vague claim to make it sound true. Notice, however, that they don’t name which newspaper it’s from. Maybe that’s because they’re afraid people will look for records in the Tampa Tribune or the St. Petersburg Times and find out that this is bullshit.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AMERICANS, MUST ADAPT. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However…… the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the “politically correct! ” crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.

I think we can all agree that no editorial would be published in any major newspaper in this country with six periods following the word however. The editor would have changed that to a comma.

We continue.

I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand. This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans…… we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

Dillute our culture? Are you kidding me? Which culture was that? Is it the abuse of the native Americans, Chinese, Japanese, Mexicans, black people, women, and veterans that you miss so much? Or maybe it’s the crime lords of Chicago in the 20s and New York in the 70s that you miss. Slavery, gang warfare, school riots, domestic violence, mass-murdering child-molesting cannibals — if a few million border-crossers have dilluted that, I say let them come!

We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!

Don’t forget to throw in Yiddish — or is it not cool to lump in all of your favorite actors and comedians into this redneck bigotry rant.

FYI, English is NOT our national language… it belongs to a little country called England. You know, the one we declared independence from! The United States does not have an official national language. If you can’t deal with that, it’s YOU who are ignorant, not the millions of Americans (yes, it’s called North and South AMERICA) who don’t speak the Queen’s language.

“In God We Trust” is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women…….on Christian principles…………. founded this nation….. and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home………because God is part of our culture.

The phrase “In God We Trust” had nothing to do with our founding fathers, nor with any of their principles. It was adopted by Congress in 1956, a year in which many of the recipients of your xenophobic email were alive. The fact is that our country was founded in rebellion to the idea of a national religion, and opinions like this are in direct contradiction to the very principles you claim to be supporting.

If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don’t like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don’t care how you did things where you came from. This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining……. whining…… and griping…… about our flag……. our pledge…… our national motto…….or our way of life….I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom……. THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

In case he missed it before, the editor certainly would not have missed the horrible use of punctuation here. I’m tired of people forwarding emails around and just assuming they’re true, rather than actually reading and thinking about them.

This is my favorite part, where we’re encouraged to stop whining about the flag, the pledge, the motto, and the way of life, after a paragraphs-long example of exactly that: whining about the flag, the pledge, the motto, and the way of life.

This is NOT “our country, our land, and our lifestyle”. I remember a certain bunch of people we now refer to as Native Americans — really, the Cherokee, the Sioux, the Lacota, etc. People who owned this land long before we did, and who didn’t care a great deal about our beliefs. We solved the problem by exterminating them. Remember that from your history books at all? Would you like to encourage our immigrants to adopt the same “American” attitude?

It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree — pass this along; if you don’t agree — delete it - You are in the WRONG Country!

AMEN

Okay, even if we assume that this was published in a Tampa, FL Newspaper [sic], I still don’t see what credibility or authority that gives the author to tell me that I’m in the WRONG country. I think I’ve successfully demonstrated that it’s more likely the author, and those who pass this hatemail around, who are in the wrong country. After all, it appears to be they who hate us for our freedom!

This is juvenile, redneck hate-speech and it’s not welcome in my inbox. Anyone who calls this American, or patriotic should be shot for treason.