I remember your eyes — my own eyes, it seemed —
as they lit up when you looked at me,
and your reflection in my window as I watched
your head lean in near desperation
to steal a kiss from me.
I can still feel the warmth of your body
as I lay safely in bed —
and the smug satisfaction on your lips
as you pulled away,
teasing my desire for one more kiss —
a kiss I carried with me for hundreds of miles.
But mostly, I remember the long embrace
that I wished would never end…
that last sweet moment of our goodbye.

The frustration of my drive out of town was almost matched by my return trip. I-26 and I-40 moved at a snail’s pace Friday evening — in fact, it took me over an hour to go 8 miles through Asheville, NC. On the return trip, the highway was closed, starting from the Tennessee-North Corlina border, which promised to be far more frustrating. That is, until I found a detour along route 25, which turned out to be the most beautiful 60 miles I have ever driven. If it wasn’t such a winding path, I’d have snapped some photos from there. Nevertheless, the last 30 minutes of my drive were, as always, a beautiful thing. When you’ve got scenery like this to welcome you home, it’s hard to feel like you’ve had a bad trip.

Unfortunately, after leaving such a wonderful weekend behind me, it’s hard to feel good about coming home…

…the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?

…Microsoft had designed the iPod?

…people bought cars like they buy computers?

…George W Bush was a girl?

I continue to get a kick out of the doublespeak from Bush. This time, relating to the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, we get the following:

At the White House, President George W. Bush hailed the killing as “a severe blow to al-Qaida and it is a significant victory in the war on terror.”

But he cautioned: “We have tough days ahead of us in Iraq that will require the continuing patience of the American people.”

It just never ends, does it? In one breath he practically insinuates that we’ve won, and then in the following breath he seems to warn us that this occupation (it’s hardly a war) could go on for years.

Okay, since none of his aides have the balls to tell him, I’m going to spell it out right here. Maybe — just maybe — he, or his wife, or his kids will see this…. aw hell, who am I kidding? Those idiots can barely even read, why should I believe they’d ever take the time to struggle through the multi-syllabic words in my blog when there’s Joe Cartoon, which doesn’t even require the viewer to read?

All the same, Mr. Bush, here’s how it works: The reason that your approval is in the gutter — and will stay there until you are buried — is because the American people want more than soundbytes. Sure, soundbytes may be enough to win an election, but that’s because we all know how little we have to do with the process. However, once you’re in office, we start expecting some action to back up all that rhetoric. Proposals to ban gay marriage will excite all the rednecks and bible-thumpers, but I think it’s becoming obvious that they’re NOT the majority, and you can’t keep catering to only them. The rest of us hear you celebrate victory in one breath, and then warn that the war will continue in the next!

You’re not fooling us, Mr. President. And the clock is ticking. It’s ticking for the mid-term elections, and it’s ticking closer to the end of your rape of the executive office of the United States.

Me gustaría saber qué está pasando en Hollywood cuando cada pelicula yo vea es tan malo. He visto tres películas esta semana y todos fueron pura mierda. Estar entretenido es todo lo que quiero, pero me parece que no hay cualquiera película de buen cualidad.

(translate)

Sucked. Bad. I can’t remember the last time I saw that much over-acting. William Shatner and Charlton Heston could have co-starred and their combined rape of the screen would still pale in comparison to what Julia Stiles (Save the Last Dance) served up. Then, add a wooden Liev Schreiber (The Manchurian Candidate) — a guy so expressionless he makes John Kerry look downright animated — and you’re well on your way to pissing all over the box office.

Next, throw in every movie cliché ever used. You’ve got the underground passages of a subway system, conveniently filled with with candle lit by $DEITY-knows-who, and left burning for $DEITY-knows-how-long. You’ve got your classic meeting under a bridge on a rainy afternoon. You’ve got your spooky-looking bald priest in a cloak that must have been left over from The Matrix wardrobe. And just for good measure, we’ll toss in a boat ride on a fog-covered river, with a cloaked figure to pilot the ferry. Oh, and to make sure you’re paying attention, we’ve also got two minutes of Mary Poppins for your viewing enjoyment. Christ!

The kid who played Damien wasn’t scary at all. He looked more like he was going to cry. Every time he stared into the camera I could almost hear him say “Please get me out of this movie before I never get to act again.”

There was one redeeming scene in the movie, and that’s the part where the nanny is trying to stop Mr. Thorn from killing Damien. After he knocks her down, he rears back and kicks her square in the face. Thank $DEITY, because I wanted to if he didn’t.

Don’t waste your money seeing this in the cinema. Don’t even waste your money renting it next month on DVD. In fact, if this movie should find its way to cable, you should call your cable provider and ask to have your service cancelled.

Have you ever wondered? There is a seemingly limitless supply of peanuts everywhere: in the grocery store, at the drug store, at the convenience store, in the stadium at the game, or even at some vendor on the side of the road. So why is it that in all my travels, I’ve never seen a peanut tree? This thought kept me up pretty late last night…

As it turns out, peanuts are not really nuts, and they don’t grow on trees. Peanuts are legumes, and that means they grow in the ground, like peas and beans. The plants grow to about 60cm and bear small yellow flowers for about half a day. After about four days, a “peg” grows out of the flower and into the ground, and a seed pod (peanuts in a shell) grows at the end of that peg.

Peanut plants are annuals, meaning that they complete their life-cycle after one year. Thus, when harvesting peanuts, the entire plant is dug up and new peanut seeds are buried in its place.

If 666 is the sign of the anti-christ, then what about…

• 333 — the semi-christ?
• 0.666 — the milli-christ?
• -0.80902 — the sine of the anti-christ?
• 665 — a lesser evil?
• 668 — the next door neighbor of the beast?
• $665.95 — the retail price of the beast?
• $699.25 — price of the beast after 5% sales tax?
• $769.95 — price of the beast plus accessories, including replacement soul?
• $55.50 — monthly cost of the beast in twelve easy installments?
• $569.45 — price of the beast with 15% employee discount?
• 25.8069758 — the square-root of all evil?
• 6/6/6 — the birthday of the beast?
• 666° F — the oven temperature for “roast beast”?
• 766 — the upstairs neighbor of the beast?
• 666g — the fat content of the beast (per serving, based on a 2000 calorie-per-day diet)?
• 666k — retirement plan of the beast?
• 666° — beast by south-beast?
• 660 — approximation of the beast?
• 555 — a wanna-beast?
• 666DD — the mark of the breast?
• x/666 — the beast-common denominator?
• 666.00000 — a high-precision beast?
• 4662 — the beast in dog years?
• 666lbs — weight of the beast?
• 676lbs — the beast on tv?

…you could capture the soul in a photograph? Would congress ban the destruction of old photos?

…life really was a box of chocolates? Would you eat yourself? Jeeennnnnnnyy!

…people had tails, like dogs? Would we still be able to lie to each other?

…Hitler’s mom had hugged him more, and told him she loved him?

…Houdini lost his car keys?