How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolution things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing she hasn’t been told twice already.
What do 54,000 battered women every year have in common?
They don’t fucking listen.
