I’ve got a few more observations to share regarding the way people write their personals ads:

• Don’t say you’re recently divorced, or that you just broke up, or anything else to give an indication that you’re fresh out of a long-term relationship. The only guys looking for rebounders are the ones hoping for a one-night stand.
• Find some new words. You all say the same damn thing! “Fun woman looking for nice guy,” or “I like a guy with a sense of humor.” Look, I don’t think I’ve ever met a girl who said “Gosh, you know what I hate? A sense of humor. That really pisses me off.” Okay? See, we know you like a sense of humor. It’s about as retarded as requiring a pulse and a love of oxygen. Hemmingway could read these ads and wish for more description. Fun? Nice? If that’s as hard as you’re willing to try, then get used to being alone.
• Use some common sense. (I know women are from Venus, but men are from Mars and that’s who you’re trying to attract.) If you say “I like being treated like a lady, having doors opened for me and dinner paid for, etc,” and then follow it up later with a line like “I’m just looking to date and meet people, nothing too serious,” you’re not going to have much luck. Men are logical… we can all put that together and figure out the truth, which is that you want to go out and have fun, but you want other people to pay for it. User!
• Don’t say the reason you’re looking for someone on a personals site is because you’re too busy to meet people. In fact, just don’t ever say that you’re too busy. Think about it, gals… why should some great guy waste his time trying to get to know you if you’ve already admitted you’re not going to have time for him? The truth is, if you’re that busy, you don’t need a man, you need a vacation.
• Most personals sites display a short summary of your description — the first few sentences, usually — with your photo on the results page. Don’t waste those first few sentences on useless drivel! That may be the thing that means the difference between clicking and moving on.
• Be alone in your photo, retard. When looking at a photo of two girls, how is a guy supposed to know which one is you? And better still, if you’re in the photo with your arm around some guy, how’s a fellow to know that’s your little brother? If we see a guy in your photos, we move along.
• And one last thing, since we’re talking about photos: Don’t scan your driver’s license photo from when you were 18 and blond and use if for your profile if you’re not still eighteen and blond! What? Do you think you can write build type: athletic in your profile, and I won’t notice when some dark-haired fat girl shows up? And furthermore, you’re hand-picking the best available guys… do you really think they’re going to let it slide that you’re a deceitful person? I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, but it isn’t me.